On the Joys of Single Ply Toilet Paper

Single-ply. It’s light and airy, and you can use as much as you need without feeling guilty because it’s so thin. Of course, it’s not as luxurious as double or triple-ply. But it gets the job done in a pinch. You can even poke your finger through it, which may not be ideal, but you can if that's your thing. (Imagine the "That's My Fetish" meme goes here, if you would please.)

You can just wad it up and up knowing you aren't likely to clog the plumbing because it's essentially nonexistent.

But the important thing is that it's not a bidet. Nothing beats the comfort of a heated bidet with a heated seat. The epitome of luxury. No barbaric scraping of your hither regions.

In the words of a wise Indian man to his contractor when building a new home, "We don't wipe. We wash."

I am not advocating that you creatively acquire single ply toilet paper. You should most certainly buy it and have it delivered to you. But it's also fun to note that the E114 keys you can purchase on Amazon in the USA are basically a universal key to open most toilet paper dispensers.