Weekend Story Time from Page

When I was recovering from surgery I went to stay with family friends in the mountains. The father of the house, Page, was and is a true master storyteller. His life was filled with great stories, and his wife was there to validate many of them.

Early in their marriage they went to marriage counseling. He guy was aggravated as hell by the whole process. They patched things up quite nicely, but they'd paid for sessions, and dammit, they were going to get their money's worth.

In the last session the therapist goes, "Okay, now I want you to turn to each other and make a promise."

And this guy was just beside himself. He couldn't deal with it any more. They'd patched things up. They were laughing at home. Things were going well. So this promise thing was just a bit too much.

So the guy turned to his wife and deadpanned, "When that day comes that I finally snap, and I come home and kill the entire family, I promise that I'll kill you last."

The therapist stared in stunned silence. The wife, realizing that there was no hope for her husband's sense of humor or timing, slapped her legs, stood up, and said loudly, "Well, I guess we're done here."

Every time he tells that story, she smiles and rolls her eyes. He laughs. Everyone else is dying laughing because 30+ years of marriage later, it's clear that he hasn't snapped yet and likely won't.

On another day Page's childhood friend showed up. After a few beers they got into story time pretty intensely. I was quietly sitting on the other side of the room, listening intently, pretending to be distracted by my computer so that I could get the whole story.

This friend had a kid. One time when the kid was five years old, the parents put him to bed and then went up to work on producing child number two. Unbeknownst to them, the five year old woke up. He wandered into his parents' room and just stared up at them.

Mid-thrust, they heard a booming child's voice from the foot of the bed. The child sternly said, Stop thaaaaaaaat.

Text doesn't do it justice. The delivery of the story from this old cowboy had me cracking up so hard. It's become somewhat of a meme among friends at this point to just say, "Stop thaaaaaaaaaat" in the same tone of voice as the story.

I know I've heard many, many more stories from Page that are worth sharing. Hopefully I remember a few more because they are always so fun.